20 May I went to church and all I got was a poem
Today I visited Dante’s church and I wrote a poem. It has been 8 months since I have been able to write a poem from start to finish in one sitting. So, for my blog post I’m going to take a risk and share my poem with whomever cares to read it. I don’t really know what inspired me to finally break my writer’s block, but i’m happy it did. I recommend you visit Dante’s church, hopefully you feel as inspired as I was. And yes, there were some tears shed there.
My Poetic Prayer:
I’m not sure if there is a physical place of heaven or hell
if when we die our souls have only two options.
I thought Jesus died to save our sins
so why can’t we all go home to heaven?
Is everyone’s sins not forgiven?
What makes a person go to heaven
and how is it separate from those in hell?
There’s a saying that goes
“hell is inside of us” – we carry it around.
The Italian poet Dante wrote of how he lost his way.
Then Virgil reminded him that maybe
he could write and find salvation.
So maybe I am writing this poem because
I have also lost my way.
I’ve become the person I’ve always feared –
the one who’s full of hate.
I used to look for answers
in the silent words I prayed at night
when I asked god to help the ones
who needed a little extra prayer.
I prayed that their bodies would be healed
and their hearts unbroken
that no child felt unloved or stomach empty.
I mostly prayed for the ones
who teetered on that edge
of giving up and surviving.
I prayed that they find truth to everything’s alright
and that even though they feel alone –
someone is right beside.
I guess somewhere along the way I forgot
it is okay to pray for myself.
I’m sitting in a church in Florence – Dante’s church
and even here I can’t find the words to pray.
I’m not even sure if you can hear me
or feel me slipping away.
I’m trying to understand that pain is a part of this world
that people get sick, they suffer, break, and even have to die.
But then where do they go?
Is my grandma watching over me –
her hand on my shoulder to guide?
I know I used to feel her here.
Did she find my grandpa when she left me
so they could dance again?
Is her pain and suffering over –
her cancer finally gone?
Because if that’s true
and she is dancing again
then maybe heaven really is good.
Are the empty hearts filled again to the point of overfull?
Can I finally find the answer to why people have to hurt?
I know I have more questions than answers
and more doubt than words.
It used to be so easy to know you were always there.
I’m sorry I lost my way and gave into seeing over believing.
I’m sorry that when I see myself
I see someone who failed.
And i’m sorry I tried to give up when my life had only begun.
I’m sorry I still can’t pray
not even here in this church.
A statue of your son is hung up on the wall
and a light is shining behind his face
making me have to look away.
I feel I don’t deserve your love, your mercy, your grace.
Do I get to ask you for your help
if I don’t believe you are there?
But even then i’d still ask for you to help everyone else.
Maybe there’s a place where loved ones meet again
and maybe fire burns so hot that it hurts the souls of some.
Maybe right now I don’t have all the answers
and maybe I never will
but if that’s the case
I pray someday I will.
